New Year, New Connections: Embrace Glimmers for a Calmer, More Connected 2025

The new year is upon us, and we don’t know what it will bring. This year, I was hesitant about hosting a New Year’s party but then decided that with the current state of the world, now, more than ever, we need to stay connected to our community. And now, more than ever, we need to be able to regulate our nervous systems. 

In her book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Deb Dana talks about Triggers and Glimmers. Triggers are the things that make our nervous systems jump into high alert and get defensive; it is not a comfortable or safe place to be. In contrast, glimmers are cues that make us feel safe, comfortable, and at ease. They allow us to relax and feel connected to ourselves, to others, and to the environment. Since our brains have a negativity bias, they tend to notice triggers more than glimmers. That is why it is so important for us to emphasize glimmers and savor them because research tells us that “even though the experience of a positive emotion is brief, it can build enduring resources.” (1)

Glimmers can show up spontaneously as a reaction to things that happen to us, and they can also be consciously cultivated by activities we choose to engage in. The tricky thing is that when you are feeling depleted, it can be hard to remember what it is that makes you feel better. That is why it’s important to have a “little book of glimmers,” a box, a notebook, or a deck of index cards that reminds you of all the simple things that give you joy. And this is exactly what we did at my New Year’s party this year – every guest created their own “little book of glimmers.” And if you are interested in doing something similar, here is one way you can approach it (by yourself or with other people).

How to make your own little book of glimmers

Step 1. Get a set of index cards (I used these) and some colorful pens or markers.

Step 2. Think of one or more activities that you enjoy doing for each of the prompts below. It’s important to include things that MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, not the things that you have to do, think you should do, or think that are good for you. Write each of the activities on its own index card. You can also draw or doodle if you like. 

IMPORTANT: Try to be as specific as you can. For example, as a response to the question “What do you like to do outside?”  instead of writing “Walking around the neighborhood,” you can write “Walking to Wilshire Park after lunch while listening to my audiobook.” The more specific you can be, the better. Try to think of the activities that you can easily do on any day and that take anywhere from a few moments to a few hours. 

SUGGESTED PROMPTS:

Write down (Where? When? With who? Under what circumstances?)

1. Things you like to do outside your house by yourself and things you like to do with company.
2. Think of different rooms in your house and pick your favorite spot in each. What do you like to do there by yourself? What do you like to do in the same or other spots with other people?
3. Think of your work tasks. Inevitably, some of them you like, and others not so much. Think of the work tasks that you like to do on your own and then work activities that you enjoy doing with other people.
4. Write the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about
   • Your favorite physical activity
   • Your favorite mental activity
   • Your favorite creative activity
   • Your favorite social activity
   • Your favorite spiritual activity

• Write the names of all people you can count on if things get rough.

Is there anything else you’d like to add? Other things or activities, no matter how brief, that give you joy? Add those to your glimmer book.

After you finish, place your cards on a ring or put them into a pretty box or pouch (I used these) and set it in a place where it can be a visible reminder. Add your other glimmers to it whenever you feel like it. Leaf through this book whenever you need a pick-me-up. 

If you do this activity as a group, it’s nice to do some ceremonial candle lighting or any other ritual that brings people together and establishes a sense of connection. After all, co-regulation (or the ability to regulate each other’s nervous systems) is essential to our sense of safety and ease.

Wishing you a safe, joyful year full of glimmers!

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